the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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