3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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