i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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