You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
