Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
