I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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