YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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