was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
