My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
