why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
