I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
