Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
