ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize