If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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