Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize