My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
