last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And then my night got REAL pukey
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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