How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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