My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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