and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
