did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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