bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
