FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
