yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
