just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
