i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
