I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
