my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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