Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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