And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
