I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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