If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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