I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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