still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
