tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
