Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
