The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
