He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize