my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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