I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
