Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
