Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
