my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
