He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
