nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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