apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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