dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
