So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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