I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
