and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
