We got so high we made milksteak
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my being single is dangerous.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
