yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
