He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is my gift to your gina
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
