you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
