I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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