There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
