Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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