I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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