There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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