I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
