I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
4 words: hood of his car
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
