You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
