just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
