Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
