Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
