I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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