Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
