Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
