I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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