So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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