Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
