No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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