My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
