if i can run in heels then i can drive
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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