I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
