WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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