i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
