ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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